Nervous

I looked up the definition of nervous -
nerv·ous [ núrvəss ]
1.uneasy: having a feeling of dread or apprehension
2.timid: easily worried or frightened
3.affecting nerves: relating to somebody's ability to tolerate anxiety or stress

I am not a nervous person.  I am not a nervous person EVER.  I just walk around in a trance most days believing I can do anything.  And then I do them.  My mom taught me that. 

I am trying to think of the last time I was truly nervous.  I believe it was 2002.  11 years ago.  It was the morning of the bar exam.  I was so nervous... so crazy nervous - sweating, shortness of breath, grinding my teeth, and practically peeing in my pants.  Ha!!  True story!!  That was an awful experience. 

I want you to imagine you have a daughter - a sweet, precious, innocent, happy daughter.  Imagine that your six year-old daughter tells you that she wants to be in the school-wide talent show.  Imagine that she tells you that she wants to do her dance routine for the talent show.  Imagine that you as the parent will explain to her that she will need to work hard and practice since she will be the only one on stage.  Imagine that she responds, "I can do it."

So imagine that this young girl does practice again and again.  Imagine that the day has arrived for this young girl to try out for the talent show. 

So reality hit me this morning, I woke up so nervous this morning.  I had a thousand thoughts in my mind.  I kept wondering if she would be nervous.  As so many kids do when they get up on a stage in front of 130 of their peers, would she balk?  Would she want to dance?  How would she do?  Would the audience be nice to her?  Kids can be cruel.  Would they be cruel to my little girl?  My stomach was in knots.  I wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her from anyone that would hurt her.

So the time came for the kindergartners to try out and Jillian was third in line.  As I knew would happen, the first kid balked.  You could see it in his eyes.  He walked up to the mic and his eyes filled with tears and then he walked off.  Heart-wrenching.  Kid #2 did a hula-hoop routine and he was pretty awesome.  Now it was Jillian's turn.  Seriously I could have thrown up.  I was so nervous for her.  She put on her tap shoes, grabbed her umbrella (she added that element to her routine all by herself) and ran up to take her position.  The music started and she began to dance. 

That little sassy girl wowed my socks off.  With her usual sparkle and shine, she performed all the steps with confidence.  The audience of 130 five and six year olds cheered for her, giggled when she shook her hips and giggled more when she did her sugars.  When she forgot her steps, she did just what I said and made something up and no one was the wiser.  She performed the finale that she created with her Disney princess umbrella and skipped off the stage. 

Now I could return to my regular non-nervous status!  I ran back to my classroom and called my Mom and told her how well Jillian did.  She laughed and told me this was just the beginning.  She told me that one of the worst days of her entire life was the day I tried out for cheerleader.  She was so nervous!  

Assuming she makes it into the talent show (which I totally am because she was awesome!), it is May 24 in front of the entire 804 student body.  I have 22 days to figure out how NOT to be nervous,  I doubt that is going to happen!!